Before having kids, when I would see disheveled children with messy hair, mismatched clothes and shoes on the wrong feet, I admit… I totally judged. I would think; “When I have kids, they will have perfect little braids and pigtails, and adorable clothes and their shoes will most certainly be on the correct feet.” Well, it turns out that there are a lot of things you say before having kids about what kind of parent you’re going to be that don’t turn out quite as planned. I actually said that my kids won’t watch any TV before 2 years old, but now that’s just crazy talk! TV is awesome… and it’s all DJ Lance Rock’s fault.
When #3 and #4 came along in one package, it pretty much became sink or swim. If I can get everybody out of the house with clothes on, I consider it a success. No shoes? I have back-up in the car because I was sick of arriving at any destination with a barefoot child. How many times have I been to Trader Joe’s with a (usually) shoeless Aurora?? Hair in pig tails or braids(Former self, you’re joking, right?)?? Try brushed. There are many things that need to be accomplished before leaving the house and hair brushing is sadly pretty low on the totem pole. Then, of course, if I want to wear clothes, (which is always a nice touch) I need to find the time for that.
The other day, I attempted a trip to Babies R Us with the kids. I really needed suction cup bowls for the babies. So rather than wait for Monte to be home to help, there I found myself, balancing babies and herding the girls. Whoever I held on my body was happy, and whoever was in the cart not attached to me.. wasn’t. After switching them from cart to Ergo a few times at the cart-corral, I realized how ridiculous I must have looked when I lifted my head and noticed a female employee staring at me through the window giving me a sympathetic look. We made eye-contact and with her hands, she motioned an offer of help “No thank you” I mouthed to her with a pitiful “I’m just used to this shit” expression on my face.
I. Just. Am.
Once the babies seemed calm and happy, I hustled the kids into the store and headed for the feeding section. Almost immediately, Beatrix became angry that she was in the cart so I picked her up and just held them both on me which made her happy, but, along with the other 2 standing at my feet, it’s exactly the exact same thing as placing a giant neon sign over my head that says “PLEASE TELL ME THAT I’VE GOT MY HANDS FULL!” because almost immediately, that’s what everybody I pass by in the store feels the need to say; “You’ve sure got your hands full!”. “Wow, no shit!! Really?? I’ve never heard that line before, ever!” is what I truly, truly want to say, but I grit my teeth and reply in my best Ned Flanders voice “Yup! I sure do!” with a smile.
Yesterday, we decided to go to the beach to watch the sunset with the kids, and I wanted to get some cute pictures of them playing in the sand. We surprisingly got a close parking spot, which was very nice because Mr. Whiney Pants still can’t handle too much walking on his poor wittle toe. I had Atticus in the Ergo, and Bea was in a Baby Bjorn on Monte. As we neared the steps to walk down to the sand, Monte looked at me and asked “Where are you going?” I was a little thrown off “Um, down to the shore, what do you mean?” he then responded, “I don’t want to get my (broken toe boot thing) shoe dirty on the sand” I stared at him for a moment, still confused, “When I said ‘let’s go to the beach and watch the sunset’, what part of that translated to ‘from the pier’? We always go down to the sand when we come to the beach. Can’t you just rinse the sand off the thing?” He shakes his head. “Well, take the boot off then, weirdo.” He looked at me like I was asking him to lick white dog shit on the boardwalk. Basically we both had the same look on our faces, and neither one of us was going to budge. Since we were racing the sun, I just told him to hand over Bea, and I’d trek down to the sand with the kids by my lonesome.
The worst thing that the babies can do to me, is to wake up at the same time in the middle of the night. Yes, I have two boobs, but no, the babies are no longer capable of using them both at once without attacking one another with their claws… which defeats the whole purpose of tandem nursing to sleep because they wake each other up every time. It’s so awesome! No, not really. So, normally, they wake up about every 2-4 hours through the night. It’s not really “waking up”, more like rooting for a boob, which will ensure they don’t completely wake up, then it takes anywhere from 10 min. to an hour to get them back down to a deep sleep. Yay! I basically spend the whole night hopping from one side of the bed to the other, nursing whoever needs it. It works out fine, as long as they don’t wake together. That’s when I seriously consider crying, but who’s got energy for that?